Birdseye......

Ladies and gentlemen, audience members, food bloggers and Polish spam hackers; I am the disembodied spirit of one George Orson Welles; better known to the public at large as actor, director, author, bon vivant, theatrical innovator, conspiracy theorist and planet -sized Transformer: Orson Welles.

I’ve taken some time away from constantly haunting Harry’s Bar in Venice, much as I did in my more corporeal manifestation, to discuss the current state of The Reducer Network.

/Tries to lift gravy boat. Fat ghost hands just knock it over.

Ah, yes… where was I?  Reducer! Firstly I am told that Headchef apologies for not publishing his regular Tuesday column as scheduled. Apparently the reviews were quite favorable up to this point, and had he not been indisposed as of late, you the reader would have this week’s article trucked away in your trouser pocket… on some sort of electograph device, no doubt.

I should make a point of mentioning that I have not personally spoken with Headchef. As an adherent of the Israelite creed, he is obligated to avoid engaging in discourse with all manner of supernatural apparitions, and as such we communicated through an intermediary. Such is the superstition among some groups of men. David Sarnoff dealt me a similar treatment when he re-cut The Magnificent Ambersons.

No implication; merely an observation.

/Notices rotisserie chicken on spit. Watches it without blinking for five full minutes.

Ahem.

I was further informed by his representative that the powers that be at the Reducer Network are looking for more feedback from the audience members. While they want to continue to bring you the best in gourmet living for the proletariat along with a smattering of humor; frankly they’re a little burned out.

Looking at the website over that last three months; one would believe that they haven’t been very busy. To paraphrase Otto Von Bismark; none of you have seen the sausage as it’s being made. The diligent fellows in charge of Reducer have recorded and summarily jettisoned more than five separate podcasts. While releasing these completed, full-length recordings would certainly keep traffic moving steadily to this page; they did not meet the exacting standards of the creators; and therefore will remain unheard for the time being.

Make no mistake. There will be a second season of the Reducer Podcast; along with additional comedy podcasts more centered on toilet humor and cheap chicanery.

There will be more recipes; many of which have already been photographed and polished, yet remain unpublished for reasons unimportant. There will be continued ranting published on a regular basis by Headchef and General BBQ, and perhaps Fulla will grace us with his presence and wit at some unforeseen point.

This brings me to what is possibly the most important aspect of this announcement:

Reader participation.

Firstly; if you haven’t started following us on Twitter or Facebook; do yourself a favor and click the tabs on the left of this page linking to those respective social networking sites. This simple action will afford you an opportunity to access information and announcements that you may not be privy to while merely visiting Reducernet or subscribing to the feed.You can also use this to interact directly with the publishers of the site; not to merely comment on articles, but also to pose direct questions and requests.

If you, dear reader, are also the type inclined to photographing food, traveling for the sake of eating or any of the other behavior associated with food blogging, but don’t have the time or energy to manage your own food blog; Reducer is extending an open invitation to any potential contributors, regardless of culinary experience or background.

Reducer is looking for corespondents to submit articles, recipes, photos and videos on anything related to food. Especially (though not exclusively) welcome are non-Twin Cities residents willing to describe the food scenes of their respective metropoli and therefore build this network of, how was it put again?

Ah, yes:

“a network of mercenary chefs, bartenders and other assorted smart asses producing original online content on the world of food and cooking.”

Frankly, much of this could have and should have been done sooner; but sadly life does not always spoon feed our opportunities to us at a rate we are comfortable with. Sometimes one must grab the hoagie of fate with both hands and not stop chewing until you have a greasy wad of waxed paper trapped in your beard.

Don’t let yourself choke on the pickle, dear reader.

And the sandwich... is gone!